The Doggfather himself, Snoop D-o-double-gizzle, was in Portland on the 20th of June this year and I got to go to the concert at the Roseland Theater. It was me, my sister, Jimmy, and Flossie. Before the concert we went down the street to hit up the liquor store and also went to Burgerville.
Floss and I went in and ordered some food and Teeny and Jimmy joined us after they got a bottle. While we were waiting someone went to grab one of the drink cups and I said something like, Oh don't drink out of mine, I have herpes. (Kidding.) That reminded Teeny of someone she knew having a cold sore on their lip. She said she had a bandage on it, I think, and when the cold sore was revealed my sis said Gawd it's like the size of Delaware!
So we all laughed, and there was this woman who had been standing on the other side of the bar-style table we were standing next to, and I watched her walk around Jimmy and Floss and she goes up to my sister, who has her back turned, and pulls on her ponytail. My sister lets her head go with the movement and when she straightens up and turns around, is surprised to see this chick. The woman says something like, You shouldn't be talkin' shit! and we're all like Whoa, where is this coming from?
Jimmy goes into defense mode and steps in between the woman and the rest of us and says What makes you think we're talking about you? and meanwhile I'm just laughing because I see why she's upset, and the lady returns to her side of the bar and is still ranting and at some point this woman with kids sitting in a booth by the window tells us we should move away from the kids, take it outside--I guess there were probably a couple cuss words said and the ordeal was starting to make her nervous.
We're all like, Uhh there's nothing to take outside. But by this time all of us but my sister have noticed the source of the problem: on crazy lady's top lip, dead center, is a slightly gnarly looking cold sore. The whole thing was outrageous and really funny. As she walks around us again to get away from us the lady was saying, Just walk away. Walk away.
And we all just laughed, like, Okay! You're actually the one doing the walking away right now...so who exactly are you talking to? We laughed a whole bunch about it while she was only a few feet away from us, sulking in her stupidity. I mean, we felt sorry for her because she fucked up and embarrassed herself, but you gotta laugh at someone who is just going to jump to conclusions like that. She assumed that we were vicious people that would make fun of a stranger standing right next to them before she considered that maybe we were talking about someone else. It's not all about you!! And furthermore how old are we? Who just goes up to someone and yanks on their ponytail?
Of course that scenario put us all in a really good mood, and the Snoop concert was really fun when he finally came onstage (blunt in hand! :) ...
